pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize