I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
