I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
