I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
