I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
