CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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