so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize