No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
