We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pants are for mortals
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