i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
