I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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