i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
