I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
