I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
