I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
