I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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