That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
