Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
