He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
