I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
