My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
