apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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