That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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