So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
