My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
