i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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