guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
