Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
