DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
