porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
