I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
