lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
