she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need water and some morals
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize