Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im part way to drunk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
