i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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