I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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