Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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