Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
