I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
