You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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