So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
