rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
