I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
