he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
