So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
