god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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