Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
