im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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