I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
