I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize