Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she woke up with a sticky ear
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
