We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
