I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i drank out of a bidet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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