hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
