you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My ass is underappreciated
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
