Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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