I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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