in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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