whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
