i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
