the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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