How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
