but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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