every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
