Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
