I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
