Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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