So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and she was petting her beer can
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
