Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize