she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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