1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I currently don't understand fingers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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